Proximity and Repetition Make Liking
Who you become close to is mostly a function of who you repeatedly, incidentally encounter.
- Evidence
- proven
- Topic
- People
- Things to do
- 3
- Read
- 1 min
provenHow strong is the evidence?
Tested again and again, by different people, and it keeps coming out the same. You can lean on this.
- Festinger, Schachter & Back, Westgate housing study, 1950
- Zajonc, mere exposure, 1968
- Moreland & Beach, 1992
Why it works
Familiarity is experienced as liking. In the Westgate study, friendships tracked the layout of the staircases and mailboxes almost exactly.
What to do about it
- To build a relationship, engineer recurring low-stakes contact rather than one impressive meeting.
- Choose where you sit, live and work deliberately — it decides who you will know in three years.
- A standing weekly slot with someone beats four excellent dinners a year.
Where people go wrong
Believing your friendships were chosen on merit. They were largely chosen by geometry and timetables.
Read next
- How You React to Good NewsResponding to someone's good news with active, enthusiastic interest predicts relationship health better than how you respond to their bad news.solid
- Escalating Disclosure Builds ClosenessForty-five minutes of reciprocal, increasingly personal questions generates closeness comparable to long-standing friendships.solid
- Friction Beats WillpowerTwenty seconds of added effort kills a habit; twenty seconds removed creates one.proven
- Habits Live in Contexts, Not in YouAbout 43% of daily behaviour is repeated in the same context. Change the context and the habit has nothing to hold on to.proven