Proximity and Repetition Make Liking
Who you become close to is mostly a function of who you repeatedly, incidentally encounter.
- Evidence
- proven
- Topic
- People
- Things to do
- 3
- Read
- 1 min
provenHow strong is the evidence?
Tested again and again, by different people, and it keeps coming out the same. You can lean on this.
- Festinger, Schachter & Back, Westgate housing study, 1950
- Zajonc, mere exposure, 1968
- Moreland & Beach, 1992
Check it yourself: find this on Google Scholar
Why it works
Familiarity is experienced as liking. In the Westgate study, friendships tracked the layout of the staircases and mailboxes almost exactly.
What to do about it
- To build a relationship, engineer recurring low-stakes contact rather than one impressive meeting.
- Choose where you sit, live and work deliberately — it decides who you will know in three years.
- A standing weekly slot with someone beats four excellent dinners a year.
Where people go wrong
Believing your friendships were chosen on merit. They were largely chosen by geometry and timetables.
Read next
- How You React to Good NewsResponding to someone's good news with active, enthusiastic interest predicts relationship health better than how you respond to their bad news.solid
- Escalating Disclosure Builds ClosenessForty-five minutes of reciprocal, increasingly personal questions generates closeness comparable to long-standing friendships.solid
- Friction Beats WillpowerTwenty seconds of added effort kills a habit; twenty seconds removed creates one.proven
- Habits Live in Contexts, Not in YouAbout 43% of daily behaviour is repeated in the same context. Change the context and the habit has nothing to hold on to.proven